


Blinded by wrath and teror, healed by love *Hiatus*

by StarshineAndBooks



Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Arguing, Depressed Logic | Logan Sanders, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Anxiety | Virgil Sanders' Parent, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Self-Care, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Little Shit, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Other, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Protective Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24561448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarshineAndBooks/pseuds/StarshineAndBooks
Summary: Wrath and teror gouged lives into his eyes, Logan is almost certain he is permanently blind now.Thank God his family won't take his moping.A/N : On a hiatus until I can get this rewritten and better done.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Everyone & Everyone, Logic | Logan Sanders & Dr. Emile Picani, Logic | Logan Sanders & Everyone, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 7
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am NOT blind, I used the internet and Intuition to try to figure everything out.
> 
> Logan is not a good role model in this Chapter for sure.
> 
> This is all platonic and will get fluffier as chapters progress.

Logan lay on the floor, bleeding heavily, vision gone, he feels liquid drip from his eyes. His eyes hurt.

Why do they hurt?

His tongue is gone, why is his tongue gone?

Well, he correst himself, spitting the gathering blood out of his mouth, only the front third is gone. No, more than that, he is unsure how much of his tongue he lost actually.

Logan lay there, unable to do much more than whine and gurgle, bleeding out slowly. Too weak to move, barely conscious.

Logan can’t help but hope that maybe this will at least please the others, they never want to listen to him, now they will never have to again. He finds depressing joy in never having to see any of the other’s sad ever again, after all, how could his vision return?

Wrath and terror gouged knives into his eyes, Logan is almost certain he is permanently blind now.

Logan can hear footsteps approaching and his fear spikes, his breathing getting somehow more shallow and quicker.

“Logan?!” A voice sounds, “Logan!”

Logan spits the blood out again and lays limply, barely registering it as the owner of the voice picks him up and rushes off, disappearing and reappearing somewhere.

“Oh Shit, oh shit, oh shit- GUYS! HELP!” the owner of the voice screams, sounding helpless.

Logan assumes this is a hallucination before his death.

His eyes slowly slip closed and Logan loses consciousness, trying to curl into the warmth he assumes to be imagined. Not a bad way to go, Logan supposes, strong arms holding him and a warm body he’s cradled to. No, Logan supposes, not a bad way to go at all.

Virgil sets Logan gently on the bed, grabbing a washcloth from the table and trying to mop the blood off of the logical facet’s face, knowing a pool of blood will make operation unnecessarily hardfer.

Patton and Remus show up in step, both worried heavily about why Virgil would scream like that. Remus is here to beat the enemy into submission. Not that’d he’d admit it. But, Remus is fond of all of the sides, especially his brother and the youngest side, Virgil.

“Virgil- Logan!” Patton shrieks, rushing forward, demanding to know what happened.

Virgil, nonverbal by this point, switches to worrying his hoodie strings and trying to breathe.

“Nerdy wolverine’s hurt, Patt, you have to help him.”

“I'm not- Lo’s the doctor-”

“So are you. Help him Patton.” Remus growls, “I’m going to get answers.”

“Wait! Can uhm- Take Virgil to Janus?”

“Yeah, fine. Whatever.” Remus rolls his eyes, muttering something unkind, and gently leading Virgil away to see JAnus. Thankful that the relationship the sides have on screen are only on screen.

Patton swallows, starting by checking Logan’s mouth before cauterizing his tongue, stopping the bleeding.

He cleans the man’s eyes, before cauterizing them too.

Logan, unsurprisingly, is in a coma.

-__+__-

Logan wakes to lack of vision and Roman’s voice. His memories return quickly to him, making him whine.

Roman goes silent, and then steps are heard, the rustling of fabric.

“Logan! Oh, you beautiful man you! Please say that you are okay. Say something, anything. I missed you, you know.”

Logan blinks, trying to ease the soreness of his eyes, he shifts his head to better hear Roman, reaching out and not finding anything with his hand. 

“Oh, Pat said you might not have your vision, or your voice.” Roman says softly, taking Logan’s hand and moving closer, “But we’ll get everything sorted, one way or another- Oh! You’ll want to see- er- You’ll want Athena then?”

Logan uses his free hand to sign yes, knowing each side knows a little sign, he taught them all a few. Yes, No, please, thank you, eat, drink, I’m sorry and that’s about it.

Of course, he taught Virgil more sign language, but then again, that was logical. Oh, now he can’t help Virgil.

Thankfully, Logan supposes, Janus is rather proficient as well.

Roman nods, not that Logan can see it, or anything And oh, Roman pales, his friend, the man who helped him become who he is, his older brother figure, that man will never see anything again.

Roman walks out, telling Logan that he is going to get Athena.

But suddenly, he finds the escape selfishly comforting. He doesn't have to see the scars to Logan, see what damage Logan has that Logan will never see himself.

Roman stops in front of Virgil’s room, knocking.

“What?” Virgil calls darkly, “I’m busy.”

“Lo’s awake,” Roman says, “He can’t see, and either can’t or won’t speak. He wants Athena. And, he’d probably like to hear your voice.”

Shuffling and the the door opens to a messy Virgil with and owl perched on his shoulder, “Let’s go then.”

Roman just nods, leading Virgil to the medical room where Logan is.

Roman blink sin surprise to see Logan sitting up, leaning against clumsily arranged pillows. Logan’s scared eyes stare blankly ahead, but his head turns towards the sound of Virgil and Roman’s footsteps.

Athena chirps happily, jumping off of Virgil’s shoulder and flying to Logan, landing on the logical facet’s leg and pecking his hand affectionately.

Logan’s lips quirk up, and he taps gently on the owl, morse code, Virgil thinks.

Hello dear, Logan taps to the owl she chirps again happily. She pecks at his fingers, morse code again.

Safe?

Logan nods, tapping out affirmation gently against the owl.

“H-Hey L.” Virgil says shakily, “I heard you’re not talking. Are you capable of it?”

Logan sighs through his nose, but opens his mouth, revealing his lack of tongue.

“O-oh. That’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

Logan snorts derisiv;ley, wondering what there is to figure out. He’s useless. He can’t see, or speak, he can’t do his job.

“You know, I’m glad you made it out alive,” Virgil says a little softer than most people have heard him sound, “I don’t know what’d I’d have done if you hadn’t made it man.”

‘Survived it and grown stronger.’ Logan signs, rolling his sore, unseeing eyes.

Virgil chokes, “I couldn't- Logan, you don’t get it do you. You matter. A lot man.”

Roman tilts his head, not having understood the sign language.

‘No, I do not. And that is okay. I have made peace with it. I am incapable of seeing or speaking. I am a hindrance at this point. I suspect death might have lessened the effect of my issues onto those I care for.’ Logan signs quickly, knowing Virgil can keep up.

“Uh, excuse you?!” Virgil snaps, eyes alight with anger and worry, again, not that Logan could see. “You matter a lot to all of us, stop moping damn you! You matter to JAnus, and Remus, and Roman, and Emilie, and Remy, and Thomas! You matter to Athena, she’s been depressed and molting faster without you, she’s thinner and you know it. You matter to my spider, Charlotte and Elliot.

“You matter to Medusa, JAnus’ snake. You matter to Remus’ hyenas, Ares and Bellona. You matter to Roman’s Lion, stripes. As a dumb a name as that is. You matter to Remy and Emilie’s toads, Steven, Garnet, Caramel blondie, Straight black, decaf, Luka, half calf, all of them. You matter to Patton’s fish, probably, I don’t know if fish care for people actually, but if they do, they care for you. 

“Logan, you matter to everyone. You matter to me, you matter to me a lot. You ass, so stop moping and maybe we’ll figure this out faster!”

Logan blinks at the speech, snorting softly, ‘You say that, but do you know what it takes to actually mean that you care about me? About anyone?’

“Yeah, Logan I do. Believe it or not I have some loyalty. Got that? I’m fucking loyal, especially to you.”

Logan flinches at the tone.

Athena turns her large eyes on Virgil, tilting her head, as if asking if she should attack Virgil or not.

‘Virgil, you don’t need to be loyal to me, I wouldn’t be mad if you weren’t.’

“Uh, fucking hell Logan. Why wouldn’t I be loyal to you? You fiucking raised me, who else would I be loyal to if not my father figure?!”

‘Patton, Janus, literally anyone else.’

“Oh ye of little fucking faith,” Virgil growls, stalking forwards, arms crossed, “You’re lucky I know you’re just wallowing in emotions for once in your life, or I’df have a real fucking problem with the fact that you don’t seem to get that you matter.”

Silence, Roman watches the scene tensley.

“Logan,” Virgil sighs, “Please. You matter a lot, to me, to the others. Just- let us help you.”

Logan raises an eyebrow, thinking, prompting Virgil to explain.

“That’s going to be a second, I’ll get the others Logan.” Virgil sighs, setting a hand on Logan’s shoulder, “But seriously, I really don’t say it enough, thank you. You helped me become who I am or whatever. Yo matter.”

“Aw,” Roman coos, teasingly.

“Shut up Princey, tell anyone and i”ll gut you.”

‘You will not.’ Logan chastises via sign Language.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluff before I add more angst, the writing gods decided to posess me.

Athena sits perched on the bird tree Virgil set on the bed stand, watching her owner with a determined glint in her icey blue eyes. Virgil sits beside Logan, bickering quietly, Roman having left to get food, water, and the others.

Logan and Virgil bicker in sign language and verbally respectively, about what is the least one can eat, or sleep, or drink water, and still be healthy. Virgil having put aside his tangent and lecture on how much Logan matters, but only because he of all people knows long lectures on that don't work.

Virgil looks up when the door to the room opens again to reveal Janus and Patton, “Hey Janus, hey Patton.”

Logan attempts to find them then makes a miserable whine in the back of his throat. He can’t see them, Logan curses himself internally.

“Hey Virgil,” Patton smiles weakly, “How are you Logan?”

‘Blind and incapable of speech, breathing though I suppose. Could be worse, could be deaf too.’ Virgil rolls his eyes but translates for Patton.

“Hey now,” Patton chides, “That’s my best friend you’re putting down. Stop that or I’ll fight you!”

“We’re sorry Logan, for whatever that’s worth.” Janus sighs.

Logan’s eyebrows knit together, ‘why?’

Virgil makes a startled sound, “Why- Logan!”

“Because, Lo,” Patton sighs, “Because we weren’t there. You needed us, and we weren't there.”

Logan shakes his head, opening his mouth to protests, a weak, muffled sound escaping before he promptly claps his mouth shut. Eyes a little wet with shame. He blinks the wetness out of his eyes. 

“Hey,” Virgil says softly, only Athena and Logan hearing him, “It’s okay, to forget that, you know? It’s brand new, it’ll take time.”

Logan snorts rolling his eyes, Athena’s feather ruffling as her steady displease gaze falls onto Virgil.

“He’s not right you know,” Janus drawls, “We totally expect you to be perfect right away.”

“Yeah, Lo, they’re right,” Patton adds, his voice strong even though Logan knows with every fiber of his being that Patton looks a little broken around the edges.

Knows this just as Logan knows that Virgil’s favorite movie couple is Jack and Sally, as he knows that Remus is one of the sweetest people under everything, knows this just as he knows the first hundred digits of pi.

The door opens again to an inhale of breath and heavy stomping followed by a clatter of metal on linoleum.

“Remus, Roman.” Virgil nods, “Hey guys.”

“Logan,” Remus says very slowly, “You need to say something, right now. Right now teach, or- I don’t know.”

Logan sighs through his nose slowly, shaking his head. 

“Remus, you- you saw what they did to him before disappearing,” Roman chides, “Leave specs alone.”

“No, Roman,” Remus snaps, “I won’t. Logan, say something!”

Logan shakes his head miserably again, I can’t.

Virgil scowls, eyes turning to Remus, “Stop it. Now, he can’t talk. Don’t make it worse.”

“No, say something nerdy wolverine. You’re always talking. Say something!” Remus sounds oddly pleading, “Say something you half wit of a whale penis.”

Logan opens his mouth, strangled while dying as he tries to speak.

“Remus Intrusive thoughts Sanders-”

‘Duke. His middle name is intrusive thoughts Duke.’ Logan signs snappishly.

“Logan says his middle name is Intrusive thoughts Duke,” Virgil supplies, “And he didn’t say it but he’d like you to let it go Patton.”

“But-”

“Those bastards,” Remus snarls, “If I ever see them again, I’ll-”

“Oooh! Gurl,” Remy strides in with Emilie behind him, “Are we planning revenge for Logan? I vote we start with driving them insane with lack of sleep.”

“Remy, Emilie,” Virgil nods, setting his hand on Logan’s shoulder, “How are you?”

“How am I? Gurl!” Remy's sips from his starbucks cup, “I have been better, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten such a cute man’s number just from wandering in the shared consciousness of every host ever. How’s Logo doing?”

‘Subpar, mute and blind. Lacking quiet space with quiet people who possess the ability to speak english.’

Virgil snorts before relaying Logan’s words.

“Missed you too Logan,” Remy scoffs.

“I’m glad you pulled through Lo,” Emilie chimes, “We were really worried about you!”

“I think we should pull their teeth and grind them up into powder and bake cakes with that,” Remus supplies, “For starters-”

“We should not!” Roman protests, “I’m for revenge but that’s crude.”

‘What do you think the nutritional value of those teeth flour cakes would be Virgil?’

“Good question, no clue.”

‘Can- Can you bring me the audio book collection I keep?’

“Yeah, you want something else?” Virgil asks.

‘No, thank you though.’ 

“Of course, I’ll be right back.” Virgil stands, turning to the others, “Be good, or I’ll- something I don’t know. Don’t bother Logan, don’t be overbearing, and don’t stuart a revenge plot yet.”

“You’re no fun tickle me emo,” Remus pouts.

“I’d hope not.” Virgil says before leaving the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan breaks down and Janus is a human lie detector.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an ending in place, but no clue how to get there. So you'll be just as surprised as me at what the next part is!

Logan finds himself alone for the first time a week later, no animals, no friends, only Logan. And it’s oddly comforting, despite his weakened state, he dosen’t have to try to please or comfort anyone, or keep on his calm demeanor. 

Logan sits on his own bed, thinking. Deciding how he really feels, because he promised (his kid, his baby he raised) Virgil, that he would take better care of his mental health. Not that Virgil is his baby, Virgil is a fully grown side, capable of decisions. And it’s not as though just because Logan raised him, with minimal help from Janus and Patton that Virgil his his cild. Or that because Virgil will still sleepily call Logan after a nightmare and say nine times out of ten in that state, ‘daddy I had a nightmare, can you listen?’.

Preposterous. Virgil is not Logan’s child.

Not at all.

Not even a little bit.

Okay?

Logan sighs, shaking his head, and cursing quietly when that dosen’t clear his thought.

Maybe he could do a puzzle?

He’s blind, no, no puzzle for Logan then. 

Logan is mad, but he’s always mad. This is a new rage, a rage, he suspects, at his own helplessness.

Logan can feel his blood thrumming his veins and he suddenly feels very destructive. He feels anger that he didn’t know he had access too.

Logan takes a deep breath attempting to calm himself, because it’s about three in the morning and he can’t do anything.

Who says he can’t do anything?

Logan stands from his bed, sinking iut and appearing in the kitchen, summoning a stack of plates.

He snaps, soundproofing the room, and simply starts throwing the plates in front og him towards what he assumes is a wall, but is actually the fridge.

Logan can hear the plates shatter, and it’s oddly therapeutic. Breaking things, maybe that’s why he was broken.

Logan sighs softly, chucking two plates in quick succession as hard as he can, glad he soundproofed the room.

Logan throws and summons plates in a seeming to never end cycle, growling predatorily, as that’s one of the few sounds he can still reliably make.

Logan loses himself to the repetivity of the actions quickly. His mind slowly quieting, an odd occurrence but only enough to make Logan like it all the more. Quiet. Calm. Truly emotion free.

It’s very cathartic. Logan likes that word, he decides. Cathartic.

Patton and Janus would be very proud of Logan, not only inspecting, but accepting his own feelings. His two best friends, and almost brothers, who helped him raise his babies.

He means, his two coworkers whom he has had the longest work experience with, that happened to help him when he needed it while bringing up the three younger coworkers.

That is exactly what Logan means. 

Yep.

One hundred percent.

All of the other sides are merely coworkers.

As if he was summoned by Logan lying to himself, which Logan was not. Lying to himself that is. Janus appears and shrieks, “Logan! What the hell?!”

Logan drops the plate in his right hand and turns towards where Janus was before he is once again very rudely reminded of his lack of ocular capability.

“Logan, you were lying to yourself, but Athena came and told me you were upset.”

Logan regrets teaching both his owl and Janus morsecode, perhaps one or the other, but both was a bad choice. And then Virgil, his sweet baby- youngest coworker, yep, Virgil, his youngest co worker trained his owl to tell Deceit when Logan is upset.

‘And? I do not see the problem’ Logan rolls his eyes, snapping and clearing the whole mess away.

Logan can imagine with very great detail, the face that Janus makes, having seen it many, many times before.

Logan imagines that Janus pinches the bridge of his noe with his thumb and fore fnger, whie two fingers of his other hand rest against his temple, his head tilted slightly.

Janus gives the expected, long, suffering sigh. “Logan, did it help at least?”

Logan startles, having expected to be yelled at.

Why? Logan does not know, but he would expect that eventually his famil- he means coworkers, would see how useless he is, how broken.

“Logan Curiosity Sanders,” Janus says firmly, though not unkindly, “be nice to yourself, okay? You’re my best friend, and no, I am not lying, you’ll notice the change in voice. But, really, Lo, you can’t burn the candle at both ends and several places in the middle.”

Logan snorts, a John Mulaney quiet coming to mind that reminds him heavily of his baby- of his youngest coworker Virgil.

“You’re lying to yourself again,” Janus groans, “Why? I totally don’t want to know and hear your reason.”

Logan sighs, ‘Because, Jan, I don’t think about any of you, any of the sides or figments of Thomas, as family.’

“Mhmm,” Janus hums, “And I know you’re lying. You know you’re lying. So why don’t we try to admit something true.”

‘I don’t hate my coworkers.’

“Lo, man, we’re not just coworkers. You are my best friend Logan. Ever. You raised the twins and Virgil.

Logan blinks, Janus is not lying, but what happens if Logan admits this? Not that he needs to admit anything.

‘You are my friend.’ Logan signs reluctantly, after a long pause.

“Thank you.” Janus says simply, “Now, c’mon, I’ll read you who killed Roger Acroyd.”

Logan smiles softly, mind calm and friend offering a comforting activity after an emotionally draining one.

Maybe Logan is broken. But maybe, a small, hopeful part of him thinks, maybe, he’ll be repaired with gold. Like pottery.

As Logan is led to the couch, he realizes that maybe everything isn’t quite as hopeless as he thinks, he hasn’t been objective enough.

But even so, he has been neglecting self care in his dour mood. Which is, subpar.

He finds himself leaning back as he listens to Janus read to him, blanket wrapped around him tightly, feeling as safe as he can. 

Oh, sure, Logan jumps at sudden sounds, and probably always will, especially without the vision to locate and the identify them especially. 

But, Logan supposes it could be worse, objectively


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan has a visitor, an emotional realization, and gets called dad, all on the span of less than an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry for the shorter chapter. Hopefully the next one will be longer but the end just seemed like the end of the chapter.

Logan sits in his room, Athena perched on his shoulder. He strains to hear more when his door opens and then shuts, a set of oddly familiar footsteps approaching.

“Hello my dear Logic,” A male’s voice coos, and Logan goes still, breath hitching. The voice continues, “How are your new eyes?”

Logan breathes in through his nose sharply, ‘what do you want?’

“What do I want? Why, I just came to ask you a question.”

‘What?’

“Who should I go after next? The twins? Or Virgil?”

Logan’s brows rise, mind racing. He can’t let the man hurt his children- he means the coworkers he helped raise.

‘Neither.’

“See, I have to go after someone.”

‘Me.” Logan signs sharply, ‘Me, I’ll take all of it, leave them alone.’

“Ooh, tempting. I’ll think about it.”

‘No, you will do it.’

“Says who? On second thought, I think I’ll go after Virgil.” The voice chimes slowly, drawing the words out.

‘No.’ Logan signs viciously, taping something out to Athena who flits off of Logan’s shoulder and out of the room to go find Janus.

“I think so.” The voice purrs, “What will you do when I take away Virgil’s sense of hearing?”

Logan sits there, unable to call for help, horrified, and scared.

He can only hope Athena gets help. 

“Well Logan? Won’t you say?” The voice laughs, Logan’s spine prickling at the sound the voice continues, “Oh, you can’t.”

Logan breathes out slowly, sounding annoyed and hoping he can figure a plan out, if he can distract the voice, the man, Wrath, Virgil might get to safety.

But if Logan stays he’s in danger himself.

Logan won’t let his youngest baby- youngest co worker he helped raise, get hurt.

Really, Logan chides himself, now is not the time for emotional relizations, may I please put it back to deal with later? Emotions are not a thing he can handle at the moment.

“So, my dear Logic, I took away everything from you. Dosen’t that just kill you?”

Logan rolls his eyes, ‘No? I am still here. Clearly it does not kill me. Does it kill you to know that I am still alive?’

“No,” Wrath snarls, “Thomas needs you or he’d eat fire. I want him around, he’s fun. I just need you're useless.”

‘I can still do things.’ Logan snorts, but he knows -well he believes- how useless he is, but if he keeps Wrath distracted Virgil is safer. ‘Are you sure I am the useless one?”

“Yeah, I am. Little Logic. Can’t see, can’t speak or scream No one would notice if I took the tips of your ears today, would they?”

The door opens, “Uh, we most certainly would you orange little fuck wad.” 

Logan’s eyes widen, that’s Virgil’s voice.

“OOOOH!” Remus squeals form next to Virgil, “Can I please use Wrath to practice anatomy?!”

“What- Why Virgil, how nice of you to come to me. See, I was just telling your father here how I was going to come after you. I had asked him whether I should go after you or the twins, wanna guess who he chose?”

“Himself I’d surmise,” Janus’ voice cuts, as several sets of footsteps approach, “Why are you bothering Logan? Surely a blind man can help you achieve your goals.”

The sneer in Janus’ voice Logan connects with the face he knows Janus is making. A raised lip, knitted brows, pure annoyment.

“Why-”

“Leave Logan alone Wrath,” Virgil cuts, “Cut the shit and beat it.”

“But-”

“Get out of dad’s room,” Roman snaps angrily, and Logan knows he isn’t thinking things he says through but a warm feeling - like the sun warming you after you went swimming- rises in his chest. Roman continues in a dark growl, “And don’t come back, we don’t want you here.”

“I know you were raised better than that,” Warth purrs, setting a hand on Logan who flinches away from the touch on his shoulder.

“Yeah, well, I was raised not to be a bystander too,” Roman growls, “Remus, Get him.”

Remus charges forward and Logan can hear a sickening thud and Wrath’s shriek as the sound of dull thuds sounds. Remus os hitting Wrath with something, Logan would like to imagine it to be an encyclopedia.

Remus actually is hitting Wrath with a pan, no one is really sure where he got it from, but no one cares to stop him either.

Virgil watches, striding forward with his arms crossed.

Patton sighs, “Remus, did you have to use my good cookware?”

“Yes!” Remus cackles.

Roman walks forward with Patton, sitting at the foot of Logan’s bed.

“Hey Lo,” Roman says softly, “Can we take you to the common room?”

Logan just nods, not really wanting to listen to Remus beating Wrath.

Patton sets his hands gently on Logan’s shoulders, sinking out with the logical side and Roman.

“What would you like to do?”

‘Listen to an audio book.’

“Okay.” Patton says simply, “I have some smoothies if you’d like them?”

Logan shakes his head, and signs his thanks. Patton just nods, glad to see Logan a little calmer and much safer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, this is a VERY short chapter and I'm not super proud of it but whatever. Next chapter will be longer.

Logan wakes up on the couch, audio book over, and Virgil on his left. He can hear the youngest side talking quietly, urgently almost to someone.

Logan shifts, leaning against Virgil lightly before resting his head on the younger’s shoulder.

Virgil tenses, before relaxing, “Hang on sweethearts,” He coos.

Logan knows then that Virgil was speaking to his spiders.

“Hey L,” Virgil hums, “What’s up?”

‘It depends.’ Logan smirks as he signs to Virgil, ‘Are you okay Virge?’

Virgil scoffs, “Am I okay?Q Logan you’re attacker was in your room and what if we hadn’t gotten there in time?!”

Logan sighs softly, ‘But you did. It is okay Virgil.’

Virgil stays silent and Logan knows for a fact that his child- youngest co worker he helped raise- is rolling his eyes.

Logan curses mentally, because now he has to inspect his emotions.

Great.

“Lo-”

‘Virgil,’ Logan counters, ‘You are okay.’

Logan knows he can’t lie to himself forever, he’s been caught already. And really, what’s the harm in admitting that he counts the twins and Virgil as his children? Only to himself of course.

Logan supposes that the restraints he’s put on his own mind are amine field, and if he can help himself, he might ought too. Not that this counts as emotional growth at all. Shut up.

“Lo? You’re thinking awfully loud.” Virgil says finally.

Logan shakes his head, shrugging, ‘It’s nothing.’

“Logan-”

‘I’m hungry, would you like anything?”

Logan inclines his head, so if he could see he would see Virgil. For a split second Logan would swear he saw a look of mixed pain and anger cross Virgil’s face. But Logan can’t see.

Virgil sighs, “Sure, whatever you’re making.”

‘Play some music please?’ Logan signs, taking a deep breath and focusing on making the food he wants - A monty cristo made with crofters- and two appear, on in his lap on a plate. 

Virgil obliges, switching on some playlist or other, this one made with songs that remind Virgil of his father- Logan, the man who helped raise him.

“Oh my god,” Janus groans, appearing suddenly, “Are we still lying to ourselves?!”

Logan goes to say something, then promptly shurts his mouth and raises an eyebrow.

“No, not you Logan. Virgil.”

“N-No?” Virgil says, more of a question than an anwer really.

“Virgil,” Janus groans, ‘Can you please stop lying to yourself? I was trying to relax!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, well, you should be.”

“Whatever Jan.” Virgil sighs, shaking his head.

Logan listnes, and he can’t help the hopeless feeling that envelopes him, he’s only able to listen.

But, at least he’s here to listen, Logan supplies his mind. Logan made it out alive, that’s good.

“I can’t stand any of you sometimes,” Janus groans, leaving the room.

Silence for a moment, and then, “So, Logan, what was Wrath going on about anyways? If you can stand to tell me. I don’t wanna push you!”

Logan sighs, then shakes his head, squaring his shoulders.

‘Wrath was taunting me, talling me that he wanted to go after you and the twins, he asked me to choose between you or the twins getting his rough treatment. I chose myself.’

“Logan,” Virgil gasps softly, “Why-”

‘Becuase, you are needed, all three of you.’ Logan signs deliberately, pausing, and then, ‘Besides, I- I care about all of you.’

Virgil falls silent. Stomach heavy with Logan’s words as Virgil’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead and into his fringe.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bonding between family members

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically longer than last chapter if I'm write. And! And it's fluff, which, I'm proud of.

Logan’s eyes go wide after his admission, how could he have said that? How could he be so negligent as to let his emotions get the better of him? How could he admit that at all?

“Logan?” Virgil gapes.

‘I apologize. That was, unnecessary on my part.’

“Oh god,” Janus groans, “Just explain it because Virgil looks two seconds from changing his name and running away.”

“Logan, are you lying?”

‘No. Virgil you mean a lot to me. I- I think of you as my child, foolish as it is. You are not foolish, I helped raise you, and yes, we work together, but, you’re the youngest of those I count my children, my baby, if you will.’

Virgil links, eyes going wide, and Logan can almost see a flash of purple from Virgil’s bangs falling again.

But that’s absurd, he can’t see anything.

“Oh- uh-”

‘You do not have to say anything. I just wanted you to understand what I meant. That is all.’ Logan blinks, and reaches to push his glasses up.

Logan’s hands come directly into contact with his nose and he gives an indignant squeak.

“Uh, calm down L. I’m fine. I just- it’s a lot, coming from you, y’know? It’s almost as if you like me.”

Logan blinks, he just said he thought of Virgil as his own, why wouldn’t he like him? He doesn't understand where the confusion is. 

“Teasing,” Virgil says, in the tone Logan knows is reserved for Virgil’s use of explaining things to him kindly. “Teasing, Pocket protector. But, seriously, you mean it right? No BS?”

Logan nods, ‘I mean it.’

“Good. Then, it’s not too weird I think you're like my dad right?”

Logan smiles softly, just a slight upwards quirk of the corner of his mouth. Logan nods.

“Oh, good, you finally figured it out.” Janus nods, “Well, I’ll be in the kitchen downing coffee if you need me.”

“Bye Jan,” Virgil scoffs, and Logan just knows it’s accompanied by an eye roll. Then, “So, Lo, how’s Athena doing?”

And Logan, the emotionally stunted man he is, finds himself very willing to indulge the change in subject. 

‘She’s okay. Athena is very smart, and probably my favorite.’

“No duh sherlock, she’s your’s.”

‘Ha ha,” Logan smirks, ‘funny.’

“I try.”

‘But do you succeed?’

“I’ll have you know I do.”

Logan goes to open his mouth, to snark back he’s sure. He tries to speak, and fails, miserably. Again.

Logan sets his hands palm down on his legs, before he squeezes them, as tight as he can. Logan’s nails dig into his pants, then his legs, and it burns. Logan uses the pain to direct his thoughts.

Does this count as self harm? Logan wonders idly. And does he care?

Not particularly, no. 

“Lo? You okay?” Virgil asks, setting a hand gently on Logan’s shoulder, “Dude?”

‘Yes, I am’ Logan pauses a moment or so, ‘I am fine. Simply thinking.’

“If you say so,” Virgil’s voice drops and rags in a manner that even Logan knows Virgil doesn't believe him.

Logan sighs through his nose softly and then, ‘I’ll be fine, Virge. I’m just embarrassed. That is all.”

Virgil snorts in a derisive fashion. 

“Oh, I get that. Why’d you not tell me? I can help.”

‘How?’

“Tell you something embarrassing about me of course, duh. Thought you were the smart one L. Anyways, we all dressed up like you the other day, we were bored shut up, but I couldn’t tie my tie, so I got so annoyed I just threw it in the garbage can fire Remus perpetually has.” Virgil laughs and Logan knows it’s accompanied by a dismissive eye roll.

Logan’s lips twitch upwards just a little. He gives a soft hum, shifting in his seat and settling into a comfortable position.

'Set up an audio book?' Logan asks.

“No, never ever, shut up.” Virgil scoffs as Logan can hear him setting up an audio book.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan tries real hard and confuses Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We like platonic logince with trying to be affectionate Logan.

Roman wakes the morning after putting Logan to bed - after the logical facet hung out with Virgil- suddenly. A weight dips the bed at his side, and a hand is set on his chest, warm and familiar. Patton maybe?

Roman looks to the right to see Logan and pales, “Logan?! Is something wrong?”

Logan shakes his head, pushing his hand up Roman’s chest to his shoulder, along the side of his neck, up his cheek, until he reaches the crown of the royal’s head. Logan pats Roman’s head three times in a row before the glasses wearing facet signs a good morning, removing his hand from Roman entirely.

Roman blinks, a little surprised. What is today that Logan is so, open?

Well, Logan is never open-open, but this is more affectionate than Roman is used to for sure. Especially since Logan’s.... incident. 

“Logan, what’s gotten into you specs?” Roman asks slowly, sitting up and crossing his arms.

Logan’s lips twitch up, ‘You don’t know?’

“I asked didn’t I?” Roman scoffs, “What is it?”

‘It is the anniversary of your split, so a birthday of sorts, I would suppose. Am I wrong?’

Roman blinks, he supposes it is like a birthday. He’s a little touched Logan remembers at all.

‘Have I upset you?’ Logan asks through sign language, his hands slower than he’d use with Janus or Virgil.

“No,” Roman says after a moment too long. “No, I’m fine just- why is the date so important Logan?”

Logan stops, mind trying to supply an appropriate and ideally truthful answer. Then, ‘Upon discussion with Virgil it has been established that I should attempt to make my feelings on those I care for more obvious. Am I doing it wrong?’

Roman chokes, “You’re trying- to show me you care?”

Logan nods, ‘Yes.’

Logan knows for a fact Roman is either a, flustered and gawking. Or b, splitting his face into a wide grin.

‘I would get Remus as well, but I know he has plans with Janus instead. So I shall spend tomorrow with Remus.’ Logan nods decisively, ‘What would you like to do Roman?’

Roman has to stop, “First, breakfast, then, give you a makeover.”

Logan nods, ‘I see. Well, let us go then.’

Roman grins, watching Logan stand up before the prince follows suit.

Logan stands by the door, waiting. Roman gets dressed quickly, deciding on a more casual outfit for the day.

Logan simply leads Roman out of the room, lips quirking up when Athena suddenly swoops down from nowhere and lands on the brainiac’s shoulder, nipping the shell of his ear in greeting. Roman hums, watching curiously as Athena knocks her head against Logan’s cheek repeatedly.

Logan catches the morse code and snorts, rolling his eyes. Of course Athena demands treats.

“Is she okay Lo?” Roman asks after a moment.

Logan nods, turning towards Roman’s voice and singing Athena’s request.

Roman snorts, “I see.”

Logan nods simply, ‘I shall give her one after dinner. Now, come along. I requested Patton to make crofters filled muffins.’

Roman smiles softly, and Logan can almost see it, he can in his mind’s eye at least.

“You remembered?” Roman’s voice is brittle, and Logan thinks it sould a little like a dog toy, surprised squeaking.

Logan nods, ‘Of course I do, what do you take me for, an ignorant fool?’

Logan almost signed father, but that would be just a little forward, and Logan is already trying to be more affectionate, to speak Roman’s love language. Which is more tiring than Logan would have thought.

Roman laughs, just a bit short, “No! Never, specs. You’re not an ignorant fool, I just- I didn’t think- Why would you care to know my favorite breakfast? It’s not functional!”

Logan’s brows knit together, ‘Of course I noticed…. Why wouldn’t I? I- You mean a lot to the team.’ 

Logan doesn't say Roman means a lot to Logan himself, but that’s a different can of fish

‘Besides, you are important to the team, I look after those in the team.’ Logan finishes.

Family, Logan muses, he means family not team.

“I-” Roman’s voice cracks. “Thank you. I- needed that.”

Logan sighs simply, shoulders falling, feeling a little backed into a figurative corner. ‘Yes, well…. Don’t forget it.’ 

Roman falls silent, but walks next to Logan and not behind him. Logan’s lips quirk up, he is glad to find this. He knocks his shoulder against Roman’s and hums when Roman makes a startled sound.

“Logan are you well?”

Logan nods, wondering why Roman would think he isn’t well.

“Okay then I guess.” Roman sighs

Logan stops and takes a seat at the table after a moment of fumbling blindly to find a chair.

Roman sits across from Logan, and Logn tells Athena to leave with morse code and a hand signal.

Roman sees two plates full of the muffins Logan told him about and he makes a strangled sound. “I- Thank you Logan, I really- I needed this. Thank you.”

Logan nods, ‘Anything.’

“I think you meant anytim.” Roman says with a laugh

‘No. Anything, anything you need and almost anything you want.’ Logan signs simply, and his face is so set and sure Roman gapes, making a sound most resembling a cat’s squal when it’s tail is stepped on.


	8. Chapter 8

Logan would call the first half of the day a tentative success, yes, there were mistakes, but there were also great moments of victory for himself.

Roman enjoyed breakfast, and had a wonderful time giving Logan a makeover, putting the facet into some unusual clothing or other and applying makeup to Logan. Logan cannot say he loved it, but Roman seemed to, so Logan tolerated it. For his child- he means coworker- no he means child.

“Logan,” Roman’s voice rings, “Lo, are you okay? I know you usually eat lunch alone, you don’t have to stay with me the whole day.”

‘I have gotten nachos made, if you’d like to eat?’

“Oh, please!” Roman smiles. “Did I tell you about how we think we might have a way to fix your eyes?”

‘No.”

“Oh, well, we think we do. If Remus and work together, which we are, we should be able to cast a spell that would repair your eyes. In theory, hopefully.”

Logan blinks, nodding slowly, ‘Oh. That’s very kind of you to even entertain the possibility of.’

“Certainly my bespeckled fath-friend!”

‘What is a ‘fath-friend’?’

“Uh, slip of the tongue!”

‘What were you going to say then?’

“Nothing.”

‘Falsehood.’

“Nothing important.”

And the quiver in Roman’s voice tells Logan otherwise. Tells Logan thatRoman, at the very least, believes it is important to him.

‘Humor me then?’

“Just uhm… Farter. Yep. Totally.”

‘You were going to call me a ‘farter’?’

“Yes?”

‘Perfect.’

“Logan-”

‘Excuse me. I find I need a moment. You are welcome to the nachos.’

“Logan wait!”

Logan is sinking out quickly, not wanting to lose his temper and risk summoning wrath today.

“Logan? Kiddo?” Patton’s voice rings, “What’s up?”

‘I needed a moment, I didn’t mean to appear here.’

“Ah, well, you’re here now. Want a cookie?”

‘Not particularly, no. I should go.’

“You should talk!” PAtton says brightly before wincing, “Or well… Discuss.”

‘I do not wish too.’

“Okay. Well, Virgil told me you said you were a bit emotional last night, you okay?”

‘Fine.’

“No one says fine and means it like that,” Patton counters, “C’mon Lo, what’s on your mind?”

‘Nothing of staggering importance. Patton, have you been well?’

“I’ve been fine. You’re deflecting though.”

‘I’m fine Patton. Honestly.’

“I don’t even need to ask Janus to know that that’s not true now Logan.” Patton clucks his tongue.

‘Fine. Roman said something, not maliciously mind you, but I suppose it bothered me.’

Logan doesn't explain that it hurt his feelings, that he wanted to scream and maybe cry. That he wanted to demand answers from Roman. Logan doesn't explain, instead deciding to be vague.

Because Logan is a little bitch who hates feelings.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan hates this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managing to write four thousand words of character death and angst but only two hundred for this. Whoops.

Patton sits on the couch, Roman and Logan on either side of him.

“Does anyone want to tell me why you two are suddenly not talking?”

‘No reason, it’s fine PAtton.’

“Yeah padre. Nothing’s wrong-”

“I will get Janus in here.”

‘It’s fine PAtton.’

“You’re ignoring the problem and hurting you both in the process. Logan just tell us.’

‘Very well, in a tired state I let myself have hurt feelings because Roman was going to call me a ‘farter’ as he said. I don’t know quite what that implies but I would assume it was rude.’

A strangled noise, “Roman!”

“Heh, haha…” Roman trails off, “Fine. I wasn’t- Father. I was trying to say father. But It’s embarrassing! Okay? You- We all know Virgil is your pride and joy, Remus and I know he’s your favorite. But, we- you raised us Logan, you’re like our dad.”

Logan’s brows knit together, Roman thinks- Roman thinks Virgil is Logan’s favorite.

Logan doesn't have a solid favorite, it changes depending on who has been the best, or the least of an asshole. Sometimes none of his children are his favorite, sometimes it’s all of them.

‘Virgil isn’t my favorite. My favorite is the one being least assholish.’

“That’s a bunch of- you spend more time with Virgil!”

“Well, kiddo, to be fair, Virgil has more free time that lines up with Logan, and you don’t show a whole lot of interest in spending time with Logan.” PAtton says gently.

‘I don’t mind spending time with you, if you like. I’d like it. But you have to let me know when you want to.’

“O-oh.”

‘Does Remus share your views?’

“Yeah.”

‘That’s it, we’re having a family meeting, and I’ll talk about all of this and then we’ll see if we can get Emilie to give us therapy for families or something.’

“Logan what are you-”

‘My children are distressed PAtton! Should I merley pat their heads?! That won’t fix it!’ Logan signs heatedly, not realising that he signed ‘children’ and not ‘coworkers’. Oops.

“Your-” Roman chokes, “Logan?”

“Lo?”

‘Oh I hate feelings. I suddenly need to go check on Remy and EMilie. Look at the time!’

Logan sinks out and appears by Remy, eyes a little wild.

“Uh- Hey gurl?”

‘Hello. Please don’t let anyone find me.’

“That might be a problem,” Remy winces, “Because everyone but Roman and PAtton is here.”

‘Ah, I see. Good bye, I am off to go repair myself so I no longer have emotions for today.’

“Logan-”

“Stay out of the vodka closet!” Janus calls.

Logan doesn't listen, because Logan feels like forgetting everything. Especially the fact that he has emotions.

Because Logan is a little fucker who has unhealthy coping mechanisms


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some bickering between Logan and Remy.

Remy sits by Logan’s bed, slurping his iced coffee through a straw.

Logan’s eyes open and a sigh can be heard.

“Hey gurl! Awake huh? You hungover or just normal cranky?”

Logan sighs again, this one more suffering infused.

“Annoyed but fine it is! Oh, Emi says hey.”

Logan slowly sits up, giving a thumbs up.”

“God you’re almost as sassy as Virgil, and I can’t even hear your tone of voice.”

A raised eyebrow gets a laugh from Remy.

“Well, I suppose I am insufferably gorgeous!”

Silence.

“Y’know, loathe as you are to admit it, we’re almost twins!”

Logan is older. Curiosity, that was Logan’s old form, but curiosity formed just before sleep.

“But, here I am, like any good little brother, annoying the oldest!”

Logan snorts.

“Remember when Patty-cakes and Jay-bird formed? Oh, you were in their rooms before I could even sip my coffee.” Remy says, voice just this side of outright fond.

Logan nods, he does remember. He wouldn’t forget, Patton was about A month older than Janus. PAtton formed at about a year and a half after Thomas was born, and a year and a half since Logan and Remy formed. 

Logan and Remy gre up together, but they also grew up with Patton and Janus.

“And when we were about three, Roman and Remus formed.”

Logan nods, ‘yes, they were very cute children. It was weird, I was a teenager bu the time you and I were three, physically at least.’

“Mentaly too, very exploartive though.”

‘You and Remus tried to set the house on fire.’

“It was fun! Besides, when Virgil came you two durened toast for a week trying to see if a ghost was working the toaster.”

‘Shut up.’

“It’s true!”

‘You are a traitor.’

“Uh huh, sure babes. That’s why you’re smiling right now.”

Logan rolls his eyes.

“Got an attitude in you, yes ma’am. Yes ma’am you do!”

‘Are you done?”

“Nope! Oh, babes, there’s a big storm coming your way of you think I’m not going to embarrass you.”

‘Yes, because I can be embarrassed.’

“Was that sarcasm?”

‘Sarcasm? In my, how you say, christian minecraft server? Never.’

Remy snorts and dialing from a phone can be heard before, “Virgil? Hey, I need you to burn anything Logan can learn slang from.”

‘Then he had best burn you too.’

“Except me, I’m fabulous, Logan how dare?”

‘I hate that saying, it doesn’t even follows the grammatical rules.’

“Hey Logan, butter is just a loaf of milk.”

‘I hate you the most.’

“That’s a lie teach.”

‘So is the fact that the ocean has a bottom Remy.’

“Logan-”

‘Remy the ocean doesn't have a bottom. We don’t know who, or what's down there. Maybe Moth man is.’

“Logan you can’t honestly think Mothman is at the bottom of the ocean but not your innocence.”

‘Oh, no, my innocence is safely kept by Emilie and PAtton. They watch over it on a rotating schedule.’

“Logan no.”

‘Logan yes.’

“I forget that you’re not as uptight as you seem sometimes, we’ve changed over the years.”

‘Yeah, now Thomas actually trie to sleep.’

“There is that.”

The door to the room opens and footsteps walk forwards, “Hey guys, just checking in.”

‘Hello Emilie.’

“Hey Emi!”

“What are you two doing?”

“Reminiscing.”

‘Emilie, what is in tge ocean if not Mothman?’

“Uh, oh gee…. Maybe Walt Disney? I don’t know.”

‘I see. Very well.’

“I’m telling you Logan, the ocean has a bottom.” Remy groans.

‘Incorrect. That is simply what they want us to think.’

“Who’s they?”

‘Virgil would understand.’

“Yes, yes, the boy you raised in this would get your crazy paranoid conspiracy theories.”

‘It’s only a conspiracy theory because we aren’t supposed to know it’s rue.’

“Logan.” Remy groans.

Emilie’s footsteps leave the room and the door shuts again.

‘Yes?’

“The ocean has a bottom.”

‘Even if it did, it’s further down than they’re telling us.’

“This is like saying the moon landing was fake!”

‘If I was not so resolute in the moon existing I’d say it was lame to believe in the moon still.’

“You’re insufferable.”

‘Don’t worry Remy, I won’t discuss how you only actually drink starbucks maybe once a week and reuse the cups. Oh darn, what have I done?’

“Logan, I’ll come for your nico nico knee caps.”

Logan swears he sees a zip of dark color, like sunglasses swipe across his lack of vision when he hears Remy shift and move to be more comfortable.

Logan files that away, he’s sworn he’d seen flashes of color a couple of times. Usually purple or extra bright colors. But he isn’t sure that he isn’t sure that he if he is hallucinating or not.

‘Only my knee caps?’

“And your ties.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I forget Logan lost his younger? Mayhaps.

Remy sits down to breakfast wth Logan, to two half bickering still.

“Hey Lo.” Patton says, “I’m setting toast with crofter’s on it in front of you.”

‘Thank you.’

“Anytime.”

“Suck up.” Remy teases.

‘I fail to see your point.’

“You fail to see much of anything.” Remy snorts.

The room goes silent.

Logan sighs, ‘I suppose you are right, thought that is as the kids say, ‘too soon’.’

“Yeah…. I think it was.”

‘Oh well.’

“Morning Logan, morning losers.” Virgil chimes as he appears suddenly.

“Morning lost child.” Remy hums.

‘Remy. Be polite for once.’ Logan raises an eyebrow as he signs.

“Yeah yeah, how about… No?”

‘I should not be surprised.’

“You shouldn’t specs.” Roman sounds.

“Yeah well, he is.”

‘Shush Virgil, I am not surprised, just very disappointed.’

“So, like usual then.” Remy nods sagely.

Logan just ives a sigh before finding his piece of toast and taking a bite of it.

“Now kiddos, let Logan eat.”

“HE can eat later, it’s annoy Logan time!” Remus cheers happily.

Logan snorts, rolling his eyes. A gentle huff as her cracks his neck.

“Don’t worry, he’s used to it.” Roman sighs, “What with you for a son.”

Remus chokes, and his hands drop limlply, a dull thump heard.

Logan raises an eyebrow, ‘I have never been disappointed by Remus?’

“Really?”

‘Not once.’

“O-oh.”

‘He went to go smash his emotions in the uh oh emotions room, didn’t he?’ Logan sighs, shaking his head as he takes another bite of toast.

Thankfully, he’s slowly regrowing his tongue.


End file.
